In the wake of Marysville school shooting columnist asks if
That what so many of us are asking after Jaylen Fryberg, a popular freshman, opened fire on classmates during lunch at Marysville Pilchuck High School north of Seattle on Friday.
The shootings left two girls dead and three other students injured, including two of Fryberg cousins, one of whom remains in critical condition. Fryberg died after turning the gun on himself.
We typically assume that school shooters fit the narrative of a loner, struggling to fit in, ostracized and bullied by his peers. But by all accounts, Fryberg was well liked, a member of the football team who planned to try out for wrestling too and who was recently named the school freshman homecoming prince.
We don know and may never know, but as reports come in that Fryberg might have been dealing with a breakup or anger that a girl he liked rebuffed him and was with his cousin, we have to ask ourselves whether we are dopatagonia guide jacket kristen3ing enough to help our boys deal with difficult emotions and express them without resorting to violence.
Fryberg, it seems, was using social media to express some of the pain he appeared to be feeling.
me what your plan is, he wrote on Twitter at the end of August. can make a bond with anyone like the bond me and you have right now Tell me what your going to do. went on to say, gonna piss me off And then some (expletive gonna go down and I don think you like it. before the shooting, he wrote, breaks me It actually does I know it seems like I sweating it off But I not. And I never will be able to. a cry for help, said Avital Norman Nathman, who wrote a story for The Frisky on the Washington tragedy headlined Shootings, Toxic Masculinity and Will Be Boys. kid was hurting, but do we have a safe space for young men to feel OK talking aboupatagonia capilene 2 reviewt theipatagonia guide jacket kristen2r feelings without fpatagonia coats cheapear of repercussion, whether that teasing, even if it gentle ribbing? asked Norman Nathman, editor of the motherhood anthology Good Mother Myth. literacy in boys
Type literacy for boys into Google, and Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys is the first item that will pop up. Coincidentally, the book came out just days before the Columbine school shooting.
boys still have the myths, Thompson said. still believe in the myths of total strength and independence, and when your patagonia r2 fleece jacket reviewgirlfriend (drops) you and you are flooded with feelings of loss, shame and abandonment, then you think you can manage these feelings.
that where the issue of patagonia mixed guide pants reviewemotional literacy comes in, because emotional literacy means being able to identify your feelings and being able to manage them, said Thompson, a clinical psychologist who works at a boys school in Massachusetts.
Mask You Live In, to be released in 2015, is a film about the impact that our definition of masculinity is having on boys, men and society in general. She also wrote, produced and directed the documentary Representation, which examined the role of the media in the underrepresentation of women in power.
young men do not have an outlet for expressing their feelings and communicating honestly and outwardly with others, they apatagonia guide jacket kristen0re subject to an incredibly lonely and isolating existence, said Siebel Newsom, who is also the founder and chief executive officer of the non profit The Representation Project.
The numbers paint a portrait of frustration and despair that can lead to extreme behavior: Eighty one percpatagonia jackets discountent of completed suicides among young people ages 10 to 24 are by boys, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Although girls attempt suicide twice as often, Thompson said, they typically leave notes or take pills, whereas boys often a gun or hang themselves or they jump off a bridge. are they doing that? Thompson asked. they feel they have to do something that looks strong. hurt but I still patagonia guide jacket kristen1strong. I can leap off a bridge. They do what in many ways is the final test of masculinity. more can we do to help boys?
Siebel Newsom believes a conversation is necessary among parents, guardians, educators and coaches and young men, allowing boys to know that is more than one way to a man. have to redefine healthy masculinity for our boys to include empathy, emotion, care and compassion, she said. we have to model it, challenging unhealthy dominant norms in public culture and daily life. said that as we see patagonia outlet store 33an increase in fathers involvement in their sons lives, people idea of masculinity will change.
your father is diapering you from the get go and taking care of you and bathing you and feeding you, then you don think masculinity is just a thing. also said we should think about encouraging our boys to take on caretaking positions, just like girls do, in terms of babysitting or helping the elderly.
the needs of somebody who dependent allows you to become more accepting of your own dependency needs, he said.
Parents need to talk to their boys, but too often they aren using the right words, said Thompson.
often saying in touch with your emotions your inner femininity, and men experience that as they are being told to be more like women, and they reject it, and teenage boys do especially. No a man narrative in home
Jim Higley of Chicago, who has two sons and a daughter, said he has always tried to help his sons understand what they are feeling by saying to them, feeling frustrated / anxious / nervous / hurt right now, but I promise thatpatagonia discount code 800 feeling will go away.
Buzz Bishop, father of two boys who are 4 and 7, said the a man narrative is not present in their home.
are not stereotypical gender roles in the house, said Bishop, of Calgary, Alberta, who founded a blog called Dad Camp. am an active and engaged parent and don feel the need to berate masculinity into them. Greenwald, a divorced father of three, says he has spent a lifetime dealing with his own emotions and trying to find ways to deal with them effectively.
When it comes to his younger son, who is 26, he believes he has been dealing with the tough issue since the boy started playing hockey when he was 5.
fall or get hit and are told tough or back out there, Greenwald said. a parent and a former athlete, I wanted him to find a balance, not let little things stop him but also not to try and keep playing if he really was hurt. said he tried to strike a balance with his spatagonia fleece vest at wholesaleon with emotional issues too to share and what to hold inside and to this day tries to initiate conversations with his son open the doors to him expressing his feelings. Nathman, who has a 7 year old son, says they play the song Alright to Cry from the hit album to Be You and Me all the time in their household.
such a simple concept but one tpatagonia guide jacket kristenhat gets lost to boys as they grow up, she said.
She wishes middle and high schools would focus as much on emotional development as many elementary schools do, where the goal is giving boys tools on how to work out patagonia guide jacket yellowfeelings, just like they have tools for math and language arts.
just padding up their tool belt so they have more things to go to before it boils over and it turns into any number of these tragedies. much do the you think the a man messaging in society is hurting our boys and young men? Tell Kelly Wallace on Twitter or CNN Living on Facebook.
Hello! Being a man, a complete man, includes self discipline. The liberal pipe dream is a violent ape; real life is more complicated. Teenagers have always been sensitive and easily hurt. The new factor in the equation, I suggest, is Ritalin, Prozac and the like. Boys used to let off steam by acting foolish at times. Now, after being tranquilized long enough, pressure builds up and another school atrocity, with columnists pushing their agenda as a cure. Feminizing males by drugging them obviously does not work. The toxicology on the killer will be interesting. btw, Skiip is right! Fourteen is too young to be having affairs that lead to the kind of anguish that young man felt.
